Monthly Archives: July 2014

That’s not my name!

This morning, John suggested I change my name.

As in change my ‘official’ name to be my ‘girl’ name.

He felt it’d be a good milestone in my transition. I haven’t really decided what’s next on the list and this would sure be a step forward.

It’s a tricky one though, it really is…

Part of me would love to do this. Become Jen officially, start to present as a girl first and foremost rather than a boy who sometimes does this girly thing.

I’m also still on the waiting list for the Gender Identity Clinic. When I get my first appointment I expect it would be much better to go in with ‘Jennifer’ written on the top of my medical records, I do want to be taken seriously after all.

So what’s stopping me? Well, the name Jennifer is definitely female. I don’t have one of those boy names like Sam or Alex that could be either gender. This means that in future, if I changed my name to Jennifer, whenever someone asked me my name (in an official capacity) that is what I would have to reply. At the moment my confidence is still quite up and down, I tend to maintain an androgynous appearance most of the time and wouldn’t expect people I pass in the street to think I was female.

Plus I’ve never really concentrated on how my voice sounds, maybe if I had that sorted a bit more then saying “Jennifer” to the man in the bank wouldn’t seem so crazy in my head.

So why not change my name to a more androgynous one I hear you ask?

I’m not sure that would help to be honest, seems like a bit of a cop out.
I am Jen after all!

Life is like a… videogame?

I’d rather be one of the Sugar Rush girls, but Princess Peach will do

I’d rather be one of the Sugar Rush game girls, but Princess Peach will do

Last week I started writing a blog post about how I was thinking transitioning can be likened to being trapped in a jungle, hacking blindly away at the dense undergrowth with a machete trying to find a way out…  Am I going the right way?  How long will it take? Am I in fact going round in circles?!

Today however, the wind has changed, the sun is out and I’m in a more optimistic mood 🙂

I have decided therefore, that transitioning is like being a character in a videogame.

Take a platform Mario-style game for example.

I have a starting point and a goal.  The route between the two is challenging, but not impossible.  There will be obstacles to overcome, mountains to climb, hopefully not one of those horrible underwater levels, and it’ll definitely be worth collecting coins along the way!

And, after I’ve defeated that last boss, I’ll hopefully get that great sense of satisfaction and achievement as well 🙂

 

Concerning Bosses

Unrelated image, but I really couldn't think of anything relevant!

Unrelated image perhaps, but I really couldn’t think of anything relevant!

I recently joined Twitter (@JenRoseblade if you were wondering!) and started following work colleagues, friends, celebrities, random internet people, etc.
I was cheerfully exchanging tweets with a work colleague when I noticed Twitter was offering suggestions of who else I might like to follow, and one of those people was my boss.

Although the number of people that I’m ‘out’ to has increased a lot in the past few years, I’ve never quite got round to telling my boss.
I’ve nothing against bosses of course, but it felt like it would be all official and things and I have no desire to start messing with the status quo of my work-life at the moment.
Besides, I’ve only been in the job 8 months.

However, by joining Twitter and being very open and, dare I say, ‘normal’ in my interactions (as opposed to my previous policy of locked down Facebook profiles with only certain friends allowed, two different email accounts, etc) I realised I was leaving myself open to accidentally outing myself.

While I wasn’t against my boss finding out, I wanted to be the one to tell her.  Not have her find out accidentally through Twitter, or a gossipy colleague seeing something online and spreading it about.

So I had two options:
1) Delete Twitter and go back to separate boy and girl online personas (transition points -5)
2) Tell the boss (transition points +10)

It just so happened that I had a monthly performance review scheduled for the next Monday.  This is for a general catch-up about how I’m getting on, any big project updates, questions or concerns that I might have.  So I hijacked this meeting and instead I told my boss everything.

We had a really good chat.  Sarah was very understanding and has said she will do anything she can to support me, yay!  Although she hadn’t come across this situation before, she seemed genuinely interested from the questions she asked, and read this blog when she got home to find out more about this side of me.

Although I was sure the reaction would be a good one, I had been stressing quite a bit before I went in.  Now everyone in my team at work knows and it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Although it may seem a small step to some, I think this was a really big tick on my imaginary ‘transition to-do list’ and definitely lays the foundations for change in the future.

Sometimes I surprise myself 🙂