Whenever you’re feeling like you’re not getting anywhere, have a read of your blog
and remember how amazing you are 🙂
Text messages don’t seem to have a long lifespan. One arrives on my phone, I read it, reply to it, and then I’ll probably never see it again. Once it’s scrolled off the top of the screen, as far as I’m concerned, it’s disappeared into oblivion.
And that is why I’ve recorded the amazing message above, which I received recently from John.
I didn’t have a real reason for starting this blog. I had noticed that my pictures were getting more popular online, I had started seeing myself pop up on random trans-related websites, and I realised that I didn’t really have a voice. I wanted to three-dimensionalise myself a bit and show people there was more to me than just a face, grinning at the camera.
Despite the lack of purpose initially, the blog has slowly started taking shape into a record of how I’m feeling and what I’m going through in my transition, like a diary. A lot of the issues and decisions seem like massive things at the time, but 6 months later I can barely remember why I was getting stressed about them, and in front of me I’ve got seemingly much bigger things to deal with.
And that is why re-reading the blog, like John suggests, is starting to get interesting. I do get frustrated a lot and I do get down about how I’m progressing, so being able to remind myself of how much I’ve achieved, and how big some of those steps have been for me, is a really good way of getting the confidence to push on.
The other great thing about writing the blog is some of the messages I get from people who have stumbled upon it. I get comments from people about my pictures all the time, but the messages from those that have read the blog are very different. It seems like a lot of people out there can relate to the stuff that’s going on in my brain; they have the same worries and stresses, but also the same desires and motivations. It reminds me that I’m not alone, and I’m not weird or crazy or anything to be thinking this way. Hopefully it might even help them a bit as well.
I kinda wish I’d started blogging earlier to be honest, I’ve really done a lot and changed so much in the last few years 🙂