This is going to be a hard post to write, and not really what I expected my first entry of 2015 to be. In fact, it feels so personal that I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t write it at all. But, personal stuff is kind of what this blog is supposed to be about.
Here goes then…
John and I are no longer an item.
It’s been brewing for a few months now to be honest, and I’m not writing this post to throw stones or apportion blame to anyone. In fact, it’s been a mutual parting of the ways, because I guess we have both changed and developed so much over the last two and a half years.
We first met at my house at the start of May in 2012. Why my house? Because I had never been out dressed and frankly, was way too scared. I had heard of the Leeds First Friday event, was desperate to go, and John had agreed to accompany me. The night went really, really well and over the next few months John helped me overcome my fears and go to more and more events. He hadn’t had a trans girlfriend before, and I had never had a relationship, but gradually we started to get closer and found we had more in common than just a shared interest in the trans scene.
Although at times I do still feel like that scared and confused person, I can see how I’ve changed immeasurably, and in so many different ways. It’s so much more than a bit of long hair! A lot of people might be starting to get settled in their mid-twenties, but I was just starting to turn my life completely on its head!
Looking back at the last three years, John has been a constant pillar of strength and support. I’ve honestly no idea how far I would have got without him, or at least how long it would have taken to get to where I am. I’m actually glad that our relationship has kind of slowly fizzled out (with no shouting and teacup throwing) as at least it means John and I can still care about each other and be friends in the future.
Of course, part of me wishes things were still what they were a year ago, when our relationship was at its strongest. I loved being in a relationship and having someone to share everything with. But three years is a long time, especially at this stage in my life, and things do change. It’s important for me that I try and see positives, and not be afraid to move on and seek new opportunities and experiences.
When one door closes…